Hate You More (Chapter 12)

I wear it on my wrist. The bracelet seems loose and wobbly. Joshua’s wrist has always been bigger than mine. The bracelet meant so much for the both of us. It meant love and friendship. It meant we’d always have each other. It meant we’d never keep secrets between one another. But those what it used to be. Now? The bracelet is on the wrong wrist. It is supposed to be on a wrist owned by someone who is pure and knows his place. Someone who’s not afraid to be his true self. Now, it’s on a wrist owned by someone who had a chance but blew it. Someone who had everything she needed under her nose but pretended not to see it.

My tears fall down on my wrist. They fall right on the bracelet. I wipe it off. The writing that says “Hate You More” on the bracelet really crushes my heart. My heart feels like it’s flying. My head is spinning. I’m crying my heart out. I really need someone next to me. Joshua. I need him. The room still smells like him. It feels like he’s here; except that he’s not! I touch the bracelet on my wrist. I still remember the first thing he said when I first got him the bracelet.


“Gross!”. I stared at him. I went all the way to some stall and bought him a bracelet. I even got it specially carved for him and that was the first thing he said. Gross!

“Gross? What are you talking about?”, I said. I tried to snatch the bracelet from his palm but he dragged it behind his back.

“You got me a bracelet”, he said while doing the stupid air-quotes. “You’re acting like we’re some kind of..you know..one of those cheesy loving couple. Hmmm, I say GROSS!”, he laughed his butt off. “And I’m the gay one?”, he continued laughing. I looked down; trying to show him I was sulking up. He realized and stopped his laughs. He tried to look straight at my face but I looked away. I could feel him grabbing me from behind. I felt chills all over my body.

“Hey, I was just kidding. I’m sorry.”, he said. He showed the bracelet. He was already wearing it. “I love it. It’s so sweet and..and..romantic.”. I looked at him. He slowly pulled me. I leaned on his shoulder. He looked at the bracelet again.

“When you say ‘Hate You More’, what are you trying to suggest?”, he asked while still looking at the bracelet.

“Well, I just thought it was funny! You know how those love couples have their stuff carved ‘Forever Love’, or ‘Love You Too’..or..or.. ‘Ever After’. ‘Hate You More’! Now, that’s going to be a part of history.”. I laughed. So did he. He took my hand and put it on his mouth.

“So, are you saying that you hate me?”. He asked, but he asked it gently. It was like he was asking a question when he already knew what the answer was. I looked at him. I smiled and put my hand on his lap. I nodded.

“I hate you.”, I whispered it in his ear. He looked down and he had a slight smile on his face. He smiled at me. I was so happy and was having the best time of my life. But I had no idea why. I was happy. That was all I knew.

“Well, I hate you more!”, he said while he wobbled the bracelet to my face. I smiled, again. I wish I had a camera so I could record this. This very moment. Because it was too good to be true. I knew that no moment is too good to last.

“Not possible”, I replied. He had a cute giggle. I melted. Oh my god! Was I falling for him? I couldn’t tell.

But now? YES I CAN! I can tell that I’m falling for him. I can tell that it’s him I’ve been thinking about. I can tell that he’s the only reason I live. I can tell that he’s the only one who could put a smile on my face. But the question is, is he feeling the same or this is just a one-way street? I mean he once said that he loved me. But I didn’t think he was serious. Yes, he said it. He said that he loved me.Well, technically.He said it but in his own way.

The kiss. The kiss we had after the show was amazing. At least I thought it was. The kiss took place hours before he left for my house to pack all his stuff. He was ready to leave. He was ready to leave his car. He was ready to leave all the camera flashes. He was ready to leave the mansion. He was ready to leave the fame. But most importantly, HE WAS READY TO LEAVE ME. And he did. But when he tried to come back, I rejected him. I rejected the only chance for me to be happy. I rejected him. I rejected him. I rejected him.

My phone rings. I look at the screen. ‘Unknown Caller’. Hmmm. I’m not in the mood to entertain anyone. Not now. I need to get some sleep. Only god knows if I ever wake up tomorrow.


To BE CONTINUED